GRIEF & BEREAVEMENT

When you or someone close to you loses their job, suffer from chronic or terminal illness, experience a violent act or go through a disaster, you don’t just snap back with no ill effects. Even if you are a physically and emotionally healthy person, any loss of a significant nature, or too many losses in a short period of time, results in some form of grief.
 

When normal grief is complicated by new or existing anxiety, depression, substance abuse or other factors, it often causes severe problems functioning in life. If you are so grief-stricken that you begin thinking of suicide as the only way out, this is a sign that immediate help is needed.
 

Erick Sandstad, can help you manage the stages of grief and work through unresolved guilt, which may be keeping you from living a normal life.
 

What Is the difference between Grief and Bereavement?
 

Grief is the emotional reaction to a physical loss. It is often described as heartache and sorrow following the loss of a person, pet, place or situation that is a valued part of a person’s life.
 

There is also anticipatory grief, which is grief experienced prior to an actual loss. An example of anticipatory grief is worry and anxiety over a loved one who is dying from a terminal illness or the grief caused by potential divorce, or relationship break up or child leaving home for college.
 

Grieving, also called bereavement, is the process we go through in adjusting to situations in life following a loss. There is no “normal” or expected time for grieving. Some people will be able to return to normal functioning within weeks or months. Others, particularly those who experienced a loss that was traumatic and unexpected or whose daily life has been radically changed, may take a year or longer to fully adjust. 

Every person experiences grief and loss in unique ways. In addition, a person’s feelings of grief will change from one time to the next and over time. How a person reacts to grief depends on the relationship he or she had with the person, object, or situation that was lost as well as the individual’s personality, life experiences and overall ability to cope.
 

Symptoms of Grief Include:
 

• Aches and pains
• Anger
• Anxiety
• Crying
• Difficulty sleeping
• Fatigue and/or weakness
• Feeling detached from others
• Feelings of heaviness
• Frustration
• Guilt
• Headaches
• Isolation
• Loss of appetite
• Questioning the reason for the loss, the purpose of pain and suffering, and/or the purpose of life and death 
• Stress-related ailments 
• Worry

Prolonged and serious symptoms can also occur from grief, including severe anxiety, depression, physical illness, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and suicidal thoughts and actions. 

What are the stages of Grief?

1. Denial: "No, it's not happening..."

2. Anger & Guilt: "Why me...?", "it's your fault...", "I pushed him/her away..."

3. Bargaining: "If you come back I will..."

4. Depression: "I am alone..." 

5. Acceptance: "I will be Ok..." 

While grief is humans’ natural response to loss, such feelings may be totally unexpected. Some of the losses that may result in grief include:  

• A miscarriage or stillbirth (direct, for the mother, indirect, for the spouse/family)
• Death of a love one
• The birth of a child with a birth defect
• Infertility diagnosis
• Being diagnosed with a terminal or chronic illness
• Suffering a disability from a severe illness or accident 
• Loss of independence after an accident or serious illness 
• Loss of a job 
• Moving from a familiar home
• A natural disaster or act of violence
• Learning that a child has developed a learning      disability, behavioral problem, or is abusing substances 
• Grief can also result from loss that is related to major life changes, most of which are seemingly positive and normal. These include: 
• Getting married – loss of independent decision making, for some 
• Birth of a child – loss of independence
• Retirement – loss of main income, daily social contact, work-related identity 
• Aging – loss of physical strength, loss of vision, changes in appearance, diminished energy and/or mental functioning 
• Moving out of the house – loss of dependence on parents
• Starting school – loss of the comfort of familiar surroundings at home with the family
• Grief can also occur on the anniversaries of a major loss.
• Problems may result from unresolved grief or complications associated with grieving, especially if someone has:
• Had several major losses in a short period of time
• Lost a person very important to them
• Experienced the unexpected or violent death of a child  caused by an accident, homicide or suicide
• Had to return to work too soon after a death
• Had permanent losses caused by chronic illness
• Had a history of anxiety or depression
   

Treatment for Grief/Loss
 

Erick Sandstad is a dedicated professional who knows that your experience of grief and loss is unique. There is no cookie-cutter or typical treatment program that will work immediately and in the same way. That’s why he tailors his approach to your needs respecting your feelings and helping you progress through the stages of grief gently and at your own pace. Erick has extensive training in grief counseling, hypnotherapy and brainspotting therapy to help you ground yourself and release deep rooted sadness.
 

Counseling and support groups help our clients work through unresolved grief from a past loss that continues to cause complications or disruptions in their daily lives. For men or women who also have depression, prolonged anxiety, PTSD and/or substance abuse, his tailored approach involves treatment to address those issues concurrently.